So you can only imagine where I was 24 years ago when with two outs and the tying run on third base and the winning run on second base, little-known Francisco Cabrera came to the plate and knocked in both runs including a sliding Sid Bream with a game-winning single sending the Braves to the 1992 World Series.
Braves fans erupted!!! At least most of them did.
Many consider Cabrera's hit to be the greatest moment in Atlanta Braves history. Most of you knew that. But you probably did not know where I was that night.
I was a sophomore at the University of Georgia but I wasn't celebrating downtown with my friends the moment Bream scored the game-winning run. I wasn't jumping up and down in my fraternity house. To be honest, I wasn't celebrating anywhere.
On October 14, 1992, as my Braves celebrated the greatest moment in their history, I lied in bed, sweating, often throwing up mucus and wishing I was dead. I'd stopped doing my treatments and taking my meds weeks ago. I watched the end of the game from the mucus-entrenched sofa of my pitch black room. Upon its completion, rather than joining my friends in the celebration of a moment we had never seen before and would probably never see again, I shut off the television and resumed my feelings of hate and despair.
That's how overwhelming depression can be.
Mental illness never takes a day off.
Some people wonder if being sad because something bad happened to them is the same thing as depression. To me, it's not the same. That's normal. Depression at least in my eyes is when the sadness lasts too long and/or the cause of the depressive state is unknown. Sometimes I just get really sad. The trigger could be something as simple as boredom. I've had to learn to cope with depression and tell my family and a professional when the feelings are too difficult for me alone to handle. I also have to avoid feeling like a failure for asking for help.
If it was as simple as "just getting over it," I would.
I also suffer from anxiety. How do you know if you have a problem with this condition? I'm not a psychiatrist but I'd say when something bothers you more and for a longer period of time than it would for the "average" person, you might have an issue with anxiety. If I forget to close my garage door one day, I'll beat myself up over it for weeks even if nothing bad came of it. I'll even drive back to my house on certain days just to make sure I closed it this time. I've had to learn to calm my nerves by thinking of the worst case scenario of leaving something like the garage door open and being able to deal with those circumstances.
No one wants to be in the mind of someone suffering from anxiety.
There will never be a time when I think that depression or for that matter anxiety is gone from my life because of that moment in 1992. If my team advancing to the World Series on a game-ending hit couldn't bring me happiness, nothing could. Mental illness stole that moment from me. In my lifetime, it's stolen many moments. It's imperative that I'm cognizant of those harsh memories anytime depression or anxiety rears its ugly head.
Mental illness is not an excuse. It's not something you just "get over." It's not just the result of a bad day. Mental illness is real. It's as real as cancer. It's as real as cystic fibrosis. It's as real as AIDS.
People with mental illness need as much support as someone with a physical illness. Take it from someone who deals with both.
If you are suffering from mental illness, please get help. Just remember that you're not weak because you asked for help. It beats the alternative of staying silent and corrupting your mind.
I continue to battle depression and anxiety everyday and that will never change. I've even been an outpatient at a mental institution and take antidepressants. I see both a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I have my very own sponsor. It's not always easy to fight the inner demons in my head but it's always worth it because of the love I have for my wife, my children, my parents, my sister, my family and my friends. I've let them down before and I don't plan to let them down again.
To those of you losing the battle, I'm thinking of you. To those of you getting help, I'm proud of you. And to those of you who think that no one you know has these sort of problems, tell that to the roughly 450 million people in the world that will be affected by mental or neurological disorders in their lifetime.
One million people commit suicide each year and for every person that falls prey to suicide there are 20 more who attempt it.
If "snapping out of it" is all we needed, don't you think we'd select that option rather than battling fits of sadness everyday?
Mental illness isn't going away but it can be managed.
If you need help, please get it.
I've been fortunate to meet people who have taught me invaluable coping skills that have allowed me to savor the special moments in my life.
Don't let mental illness steal those special moments from you. There are already too few of them.
Sincerely,
Andy Lipman...a warrior in the battle against depression and anxiety
No comments:
Post a Comment